Customer: I wanna put money in my phone
Me: Open your phone, put your money in it, close the phone. There you go.
Customer: I did. Thank you!

C: My phone is off. How can I turn it on?
M: Try it with a striptease
C: Didn’t work!

M: Hello? How can I help you?
C: Yes, oh…ahh…you’re better than my husband!
M to some co-workers: I think she pressed the wrong button!

C: My phone got wet. The vibrating thing isn’t working anymore. Can you help me? I think it’s still on warranty!
M: How did it get wet? Did it fall into water or what?
C: Ehm…..
M: Yes?
C: Ehm…
M: Pls Miss, you have to tell me! I need to know! Otherwise I can’t give you an answer!
C: Ehm….I used it as a vibrator.
M: Sry Miss, but that’s not on warranty!

C: I’m gonna kill you!
M: Ok, but you have to wait. There are others before you in the queue!

Well that’s just some stuff from me nightshifts. But there were more like that….People can be very stupid and funny!

A few days after the parkin gcard I got a letter from the same department. They’re doubting my driving ability now. If I’m not seeing a special department doctor then they will take me drivers licence away. Isn’t that nice?

Every time I think: “Yay something positive happened”, there’s a bomb falling down on me again. It’s not enough that I catched a cold now and CRPS with fever isn’t funny at all. Me leg felt like there was fire and ice all over it! It was hell on earth. I was walking…well on crutches…all night just to distract me from the pain.

In a week I will go and see that doctor. If I have to lie about my medication I will. I need my drivers licence. It’s me only way of getting out of me room sometimes! I can’t take the bus or the train. And I don’t have money for a cab. So I really need my drivers licence!

I organized all of me medication today and put it in a box. Ok, 2 things are missing: my opium and the little Neurodol plasters. But the opium sits on me nightstand. I take it before I start to scream out of pain! And the plasters are meant to put on me foot and on me hands to numb them a bit.

Soon I could open me own pharmacy:

My own wee pharmacy

And no…there are no sideeffects! I’m not gaining wheight and no, my hair is not getting thin and thinner….No!!!

The first 10 meters went well. Then the pain started in me heelbone. It felt as if you would a knife in it over and over again. We stopped for some minutes. Then the next meters. Me hands started to throbb painfully. We had to stop again. And again and again and again. After more than 30 minutes we finally arrived at the cafeteria.

Thankfully my therapist decided to take a break there and ordered some coffee. We talked about me chances for getting a job again, for getting money and to find a doctor who will finally check on the screws in my heelbone! So far none of the docs at the hospital want to check it again! We talked about the problem that the CRPS is spreading and the fear that it will infect me hands soon. I got the carpal tunnel syndrome on both hands. And me therapist thinks that the CRPS would like, no, would love to infect my hands!

After 30 minutes of talking and coffee drinking, we had to go back. It felt like miles. And before the driver from the red cross picked me up, me therapist told me that it would be nice if I wouldn’t curse her for the rest of the day, because I would surely regret that I walked for more than 200 meters!

She was right. Well sort of. I don’t regret that I did it. But I’m suffering so much! Me hands are wibbly-wobbley. And I didn’t sleep all night long because me foot felt like an inferno grande! I still can’t even put me foot on the ground without screaming of pain. But I will do it again next week. Next time we will take the therapy dog Mathilda with us. Me therapist told me that we will go to the bus station and drive bus.

I know I will suffer again! But I’ll do anything to get me life back!

The big bang followed 2 days later. A letter from the insurance. They wont pay one cent. The letter was full of grammar mistakes and if I would have sent a letter like that in me apprenticeship, I would have been killed!
Now I have to fight again for me right. They said that the CRPS I got in me foot didn’t come from the accident I had and the following surgery! I really have to fight for me right! I need that money! I wanna move out here! I can’t live with me ex forever! I wanna have me own place! I wanna be free again!
Ok, it’s nice and sweet of him and his family that they kinda adopted me and that I’m allowed to live in the house till I find a place. But I need money! And I’m too disabled for work, but not disabled enough for getting money!

Sometimes I wonder where I’m getting the strength from to fight over and over again! Ok, I got days where I just wanna give up on everything.

But I’m not giving up hope that this new year will be better than the last one! Wish me luck!

So I wanna say merry christmas to me readers with a wee recording. It’s the recording of a song on christmas at church in 2003. I was the leadsinger.

Enjoy:

Oh Happy Day

Now ye’re asking what kinda dream I had. Well, easy. I dreamed of meeting a man. Not a guy. I’m too old for guys. I need a man. A real man. And he was a real man. I met him, when he was asking me something at the supermarket. We exchanged numbers and then the time jumped. As it’s normal in dreams. Suddenly we were a couple. Meeting at his place, or mine. Time jumped again. He asked me if we wanna move in together. I wanted. Of course. Another time jump and we got married because I was pregnant. Then the birth of a boy (good I didn’t hat to deliver in me dream…I couldn’t stand the pain without a result!). A really cute baby boy.

I didn’t want to wake up. I tried to ignore me alarm. Of course I couldn’t ignore it. I was so sad when I woke up. An empty bed, an empty life…..I always loved to have a baby. And now…I’m single, no man in sight, my 30th birthday ahead, my sisters happy married and trying to get kids….my family who abandoned me….I just wish I could jump back into that dream.

All I ever wanted is me own family! Will this ever come true? Will I ever be loved?

I once thought so too. But now I’m old enough to see, that I don’t have that. All I have is tears, crying in the dark, loneliness, bad and sad memories and the feeling of a big hole in my heart.
Everybody tells me that I should stick to me family and stay with them and all. But how can I? All I always had was a lot of tears. A lot of crying in the dark. Cutting myself as a way to express me pain. Nobody in me family ever understood me. Me grandma did. But when she died…everything went into pieces.

I knew that I was different. From the very beginning. I found letters from the kindergarten. Adressed to me with a different family name than I was used to. When I asked me mom, she said it was a mistake from the cityhall.

I was able to read when I was 4 years old. Bcs my mother didn’t had time for me. So I had to teach myself to read. And from then on, I hid myself in the different worlds of literature. I was sailing with Captain Ahab, I walked the London streets with Mr Hyde, I traveld to Mount Dun with Frodo, I cried with Julia over her dead Romeo, I fell in love with Rober the Bruce…..But my parents always tried to take that away from me. They didn’t care much about me in my childhood. Me younger sisters were more important always. Me youngest sister almost died. So that made her special. The other one was always the favorite of my parents. The first kid of both of them. I was just the result of a liason with someone my mother calls a mistake now. So I’m the result of a mistake. Although me mom always tries to tell me that it’s not like that. But when you see how she talks to me and how she talks to me sisters….you can tell that she’s lying.

Yesterday was me sisters wedding. It was late and they were dancing. And because of me foot I wont be able to dance ever again. I had such a lot of pain in me foot. It was hell! Then they danced. I tried to keep the tears back. But I wasn’t able to. So I was told, that I was a whining wiener. That I should be stronger. And that I’m not allowed to ruin the wedding. That I should leave the room. I did. I left the room. I went to the church on the other side of the street. It was cold. I was only in that silly dress I got for the wedding. I loved that dress. But now…anyway. I was freezing. But nobody was even looking for me. So I called my ex-parents-in-law. And they came. They picked me up. Even though they’re not my parents-in-law anymore. But they care more about me than me family! So I went home after I broke up with me family! Cried myself to sleep and today I wrote a letter to me parents. Telling them all the things I wanted to tell them my whole life. And I will send this letter! I know it wont change a thing, but at least I tried!

He’s a great artist. Great voice. Even M. had to acknowledge that. And everybody who knows M. knows that M. is hard to crack. Well, I cracked him and now Umberto aka e-motions music did as well.

But check it out yerself.

on youtube

on myspace

on twitter

and on facebook

And last but not least, a bit of promotion for meself on twitter, bcs me facebook page is not set up yet (well not the one for me music).

me on twitter